Once again, this material belongs to Mark Driscoll and it is out of Religion Saves (I recommend it highly!) This is a follow up to my last post titled "Singleness vs Marriage".
It is important to consider some things before approaching dating or courtship. First, we should identify and repent of any sins and idols that may be guiding our desires.
In this way we can then be open to what God has for us, which is always best. Therefore, a few questions are worth of pondering.
(1)How is your relationship with Jesus?
Is that relationship strong, maturing, and growing, and is it your first priority above all other relationships? Do you need to wait to date someone until a time when your relationship with Jesus is stronger? Is your goal to meet someone with whom you can grow in your relationship with Jesus?
(2) Are you believing any cultural lies?
Are you taking your cues from Scripture, the Holy Spirit, and godly friends or from magazines, talk shows, the mdiea, pornography and godless acquaintances? Are you feeding sinful thoughts and desires that need to be repented of fully before you are fit for any serious christian relationship?
(3) Do you accept that marriage is for holiness before happiness?
people who believe that marriage is meant to complete them or make them happy are often depressed in marriage. Why? Because when two sinners marry there will be struggles and pain. Those who understand that marriage does have happiness but is firs for our sanctification and holiness are in a better frame of mine to marry and be able to lovingly serve their spouse and think more about we than me. Once our relationship with Jesus is healthy and our view of marriage is biblical, we are ready to consider dating and courtship.
Singleness Vs Marriage
As a single young woman, something I have been contemplating lately is the concept of singleness vs. marriage. And since Mark Driscoll has such good material on this particular subject I decided to pull from it and adapt it for others to read and benefit from it.
Biblical Foundation for Marriage
The first thing God called “not good,” even before sin entered the world was Adam’s solitary state:
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” -Genesis 2:18
God’s answer was to create Eve as his wife, lover, fellow worshiper, helper, and friend. In so doing, God established that marriage is
1) One man and one woman
“Have you not read that he who created then from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” – Matthew 19:4-6
2) In a covenant
“Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” -Malachi 2:14
3) Sexually consummated
“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” – 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
3) Intended to last a lifetime
“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” – Malachi 2:16
There are two errors about marriage into which a Christian single can fall. Idols that serve as a kind of savior are the reasons for these errors.
The first idol is independence. When the idol of independence is worshiped, committed relationships and marriage in particular are dismissed or seen as unimportant. A reason for this idol may be fear of pain because of a past experience, the unhealed wound of suffering through a parental divorce, or just plain old selfishness where someone doesn’t want to make any life changes to accommodate another person.
When heaven is conceived of as independence, and is conceived of interdependence, then singleness is worshipped as a kind of savior.
The second idol is dependence. When the idol of dependence is worshiped than having someone to be with and date is essential. Being single is a crisis to be avoided and marriage is seen as the main way to satisfy a longing for identity, joy, and relationship. Underlying this idol can be a fear of being alone, a codependence that needs someone to lean on to an unhealthy degree, or a weak relationship with God so that it is not the primary defining and satisfying relationship in one’s life.
When heaven is conceived of as a couple, and hell is conceived of as being single, then a dating partner or spouse often becomes a kind of savior that is to be worshiped to get us out of our hell and into our heaven.
Hopefully you got some good insight out of that. I know it’s a bit heavy but I will continue on a lighter note in the next post!
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