Le Smooch.

I have noticed for some time this interesting phenomenon in Christian dating. The smooch question: Whether or not to kiss. I have never been kissed. It used to be that I wanted to save my first kiss for my husband. I have since relaxed the stipulation. I am not saying I realized I really wanted to get to get my smooch on, I just thought it wasn’t a huge deal if I kissed a boyfriend after we had been dating for some time. HOWEVER! That does not mean I am the rule. Personally, I believe this is up to each individual couple. But slam on the brakes there. There is one type of kissing that I do not recommend to couples that are not headed toward matrimony anytime soon. And that is le French kissing.
Please know I only say these things out of a concern for my generation. This is not out of some need to slap judgment on others. If I didn’t think this was a problem in the Christian environment (Really the environment period), I would not write on it.
As Christians sometimes we are guilty of testing the waters. We know that God intends sex for marriage so we nod our heads and agree. No sex. Gotcha. Then we go on to dance along that line. And French-kissing is a dangerous dance.
You see, French kissing is an arousing activity. All the girls may be saying “What? Why?” The guys might be singing a different tune. For us to understand why French kissing is risky we need to understand how different girls and guys can be. Girls are emotional beings. We thrive on emotional connections and we see intimacy in terms of a good talk or a good hug. Guys are different. Guys are physical beings. Their interest is mainly in what they see, what they can touch. You have probably heard that a guy is like a light bulb while a girl is more like an oven. (I know I blushed too) but that is just the way God made us.
And that is why French-kissing arouses guys more than girls.
French kissing is deeper than a peck on the lips because it is uniting. It unites two people physically. And for a guy, since he is aroused quicker than a girl, French-kissing is a way of getting him ready for more serious activities. Sure, a couple can stick to French-kissing or “making out” for a couple times. However, after a while it will result in one of two ways. Either the couple will jump the original boundaries or rules they set, or they will get frustrated.
There is a dangerous side to it for the ladies as well. Like I said before, girls are wired differently than guys. While guys get turned on easily in the physical area, emotions are where girls get into hot water. When we are French kissing a guy, we aren’t thinking primarily of the physical sensations but rather the emotional ones. We thrive on that feeling of closeness, intimacy. We feel like this guy belongs to us and we belong to him. Now why is that dangerous? It is dangerous because dating is primarily supposed to be a process of evaluating a guy or girl for marriage material. And when we introduce physical intimacy into the situation it acts as a sort of cement. Now we girls base a lot of things on our emotions. On our hearts. So when we unite ourselves with a guy by French kissing, that cement holds and it tells us that this is the real deal. Our heart tells us this feels like the real deal. So we believe this guy is the love of our life. But when problems arise about his character or his personality, we see him through rose-colored glasses. He can do no wrong. We convince ourselves that “Oh that’s just how he acts sometimes. He actually is really sweet. He loves me.” Our feelings trump our wisdom and we overlook important things about the guy we are dating.
A purity speaker wrote it this way “I often receive e-mails from abstinent couples who say that they really love each other and want to stay pure, but they keep falling over and over into the same sexual sins. They have stirred up that desire, and they are finding that such desires are not easily tamed once they are awakened. These couples want to sit on the fence and keep some sexual intimacy while avoiding going “too far.” But they’re realizing that men and women are not made to work that way. Angelic purity is easier to live out than 50 percent purity, because you’re not constantly teasing yourself.”
French kissing is not an evil thing. God never really said it was. However, It is written in the bible:
…Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.
-Song of Songs 8:4
French kissing is a way of stirring up love. And unless you are married, it is stirring up feelings that cannot be merely confined to a dating relationship.
God is not out to steal our fun or deprive us of love by any means. He is love. But love is precious and something to be treasured. And rushing something before its time does not hint at treasuring it but rather taking it for granted. So if you truly care for the guy or girl you are dating (or have yet to date), show them by not playing games with their emotions or bodies. Save the French kissing for the honeymoon in Paris.