Friendship Series: Part Two - Defining A True Friend

In order to discuss the true nature of a friend, we must define Friendship. Unless we do that, it will be very difficult for us to categorize people in our lives that we interact with.

Definition of a friend: a friend is a trustworthy peer with whom we mutually choose to lovingly live with by seeking unique access and service for God’s glory and our mutual good.

Now we will break that down a bit:
(1) Trustworthy - This is a person you can confidently confide it. If you talk to them or pray with them, you know it won’t end up on their Facebook. You know that what you talk about with them won’t become a matter of gossip. They are going to be trustworthy. Worthy of your trust.

(2) A peer - This person is at the same Lifestage as you. For example, Your relationship with them is not described as :Counselor/Counselee, Employer/Employee, Teacher/Student, Pastor/Congregant, Parent/Child. These are not necessarily peer relationships. You are under authority and it does change the relationship. Likewise, if you’re 70 and you’ve been walking with Jesus for a very long time and you love (friendship) someone who is 20 and got saves 10 minutes ago you are not spiritual peers. You can care for each other and love each other but you are not peers.

(3) Mutually chosen – You choose them, they choose you. It gets pretty awkward if someone chooses you and you did not choose them or vice versa.

(4) Lovingly – The relationship is held together by love. This means you seek the well-being and the welfare of the other person.

(5) To live with – You go through life together. It is not just a friendship because of convenience. For example: Coworkers, Classmates, and Neighbors are not necessarily friends. This is because you are not intentionally living with them. Work put you together. School put you together. Residence put you together. That gives the impression you’re close but when they move on, you realize they weren’t that integral to your life.

(6) Unique access – People can get a hold of you but friends have unique access. Your friend can call you 24 hours a day. Your boss probably cannot. Your friend can drop by your house unannounced. Everyone probably cannot. Your enemies, coworkers, or whoever are not allowed to just drop by. They do not possess unique access. Your friends have your cell phone number or your personal email address.

(7) Service – You serve lots of people but you go above and beyond the call of duty for your friend. You want to see who your real friends are? Try the “Hey I’m Moving” test. Announce to your social circle that you are moving. Whoever shows up is a real friend. Everyone else is a pretend friend. Whoever is on the other end of the couch is your very best friend.

(8) God’s glory – The point of a real friendship is that God would be glorified. Your drinking buddy? Not a real friend. Your boyfriend or girlfriend that you do “stuff” with? They are not your real friend. People you sin with? Those are not your real friends.

(9) Mutual good – Your goal is to be good to them and their goal is to be good to you.

If you sum all of this up you will get a basic working definition of a friend.